Ever go defensive when criticized
How to overcome the fear of criticism
Last update: February 18, 2019
Have you ever felt judged and judged? What did you feel about it? You may have developed fear of criticism after going through a difficult situation. Nobody likes to be judged, especially when they are being judged for something that is difficult for them to digest.
However, there are different types of criticism. Not all criticism is bad and it is important to keep that in mind. For example, constructive criticism can help you improve in a particular area of your life. Even if you're not always open to it, it is important to consider constructive criticism in order to grow as a person.
Fear of criticism
If you are criticized, you may take it as a personal attack. Sometimes you will find other people's judgment to be hurtful and even embarrassing. This can put you on the defensive because you want to protect yourself.
But have you ever paused to think about the reason why you were being criticized? There must be a reason! Rather than going on the defensive right away, think about the reason this person is criticizing you and what you can learn from their perspective. If you calm down and put things right, you will soon see that criticism can certainly help you improve various aspects of your behavior and thought processes.
On the other hand, your counterpart may be wrong. When you are dealing with unjustified criticism, it is important to express your position confidently. Don't agree to everything the other person says just so they don't judge you. Otherwise you give the impression that she can manipulate you to do this. You also reduce your self-esteem.
It is beneficial to accept criticism
The first step in overcoming the fear of criticism is is the acceptance of the same. This is something you can accomplish if you react calmly to a judgment. The benefits of staying calm when someone criticizes you are as follows:
- You learn to regulate your negative emotions.
- You don't feel attacked.
- You learn to detach your self-esteem from criticism.
Keeping calm when someone criticizes you can still help you Accept criticism more efficiently. That in turn has even more advantages:
- It allows you to judge whether the judgment is true and useful or whether the person is just trying to manipulate you.
- If it is useful, you can learn from it, and the criticism won't spoil your relationship with the critic.
- If it is useful, but the person did not put it correctly, you can share your impressions and come to a common denominator.
- Criticism may be an attempt at manipulation. In this case, the other person will feel uncomfortable if you keep calm. When you don't get angry, you are showing yourself strong.
- If you keep calm you assure yourself that you are the master of your own behavior.
- If you made a mistake, don't be afraid to say it as it is. If not, politely acknowledge it. If your counterpart continues to argue in the same direction, be careful not to fall into their trap.
"Wise people prefer to benefit from constructive criticism rather than being ruined by false praise."
What negative thoughts prevent you from overcoming the fear of criticism?
Several thoughts that can be directed against you may arise as you try to meet your fear of criticism. Redirecting these thoughts will make you better able to deal with criticism.
Thoughts about yourself
"I screwed it up again, I'm such a mess!", "I'm so embarrassed, I've failed again" - If you think so, do you convince yourself that if you ever make a mistake you must be the best at everything and that you would be a failure.
You should change these thoughts to rational ones, such as: “I think I made a mistake, but first I'll check what I did wrong. I have the right to make mistakes. That doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me a person. "
Thoughts on the situation
“This is such an uncomfortable and humiliating situation. I can't handle it, I have to go. " Well, behind this statement is the mistaken assumption that things should always be simple and convenient. They should always run as you planned.
However, this would be the rational thought: “This situation is uncomfortable, there is no doubt about it. But do I really have to run away? Wouldn't it be better if I faced her and could solve the problem? " It's important that you don't make running away your first option when things get difficult. Remember, difficult situations are the ones that can make you grow.
Thoughts about the other person
“You are humiliating me. All you want to do is show me my mistakes. " Such thoughts mislead you to believe that this person deserves to be punished because he would always have to give you what you want and need. If he doesn't, he'd be useless to you.
But you can change this thought and make it more rational, like this: “I can't read the other person's mind, so I can't know their real intentions. What if he just wants to annoy me? If so, I have to remember that a person is not always what he should be. I'm not perfect either. "
As you can see, it is possible to overcome your fear of criticism. To do this, however, you need to rearrange certain thought patterns so that you can accept criticism and respond to it in a level-headed manner.
"The more you judge, the less you love."
Honoré de BalzacYou might be interested in ...
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