What are narcissists most afraid of?
What do narcissists fear? How you break through manipulation
Breaking up with narcissists can be very difficult. If they are not done with you yet, then they will beg you to stay. And if you feel dependent on them, then begging and making false promises will also be effective.
It takes a lot of strength to break away from a narcissist because these people are so good at lying. They have been lying all their lives, they have been lying to themselves and to others. Your ego is inflated to cover up your inferiority complexes. But it's all just a delusion.
Narcissists know exactly what stories to tell you in order for you to stick with them out of pity or shame. They are so good at lying that their victims feel like they are insane themselves.
So they are very good at justifying their bad behavior.
Psychologist Perpetua Neo works with victims of narcissistic abuse. She says that someone who is constantly justifying their actions and not taking responsibility can be a narcissist.
"Some will say: I can't help it, I'm so damaged, I have to drink alcohol or sniff coke or whatever," Neo said in an interview with Business Insider. “This is why I am behaving so badly, so please understand and forgive me. Therefore, in their eyes, you have to excuse both - the abuse of drugs and the emotional abuse of you. "
The point behind it: Narcissists want you to feel guilty for questioning their motives in the first place. If Neo's clients addressed that their narcissistic partner was aggressive, insensitive, or behaved inappropriately, then a defense would have come immediately.
Make your favorite phrase “I know I'm better” so that victims think that the problems are in the past (addictions or a difficult ex-partner).
Narcissists follow a simple pattern
“For example, they say, I was addicted to sex,” Neo said. “Or: I was addicted to sex, but I'm much better. And whenever they make a mistake, they will say that they couldn't help it and relapsed. "
They will keep talking about their past and the difficult life they had. You will hardly meet a narcissist who does not claim to have grown up in difficult circumstances.
“They will say that they are only like this because of their past or because their mother hurt them. Or it's her father's fault, ”said Neo. "They will always be one step ahead of you."
Narcissists also get angry when you don't appreciate the seemingly small things that they have accomplished. They want praise from you for their "normal" behavior, and they will offend you if you don't keep congratulating them.
“They'll remind you of the one week when they drank less. And that you are ungrateful. That you haven't seen that they want to improve, ”said Neo. “The changes are extremely small, but narcissists will inflate them because every little good deed is the greatest in their eyes. That is their currency. "
Some narcissists blame their friends for their behavior and the environment in which they live. Others say again that their partner is to blame for inciting them.
In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists tend to shower their victim with attention and affection, pretending to be the greatest person. When they are sure that they have the partner on the line, they show who you really are.
Your lies have no limits
Narcissists will sometimes poke the compassion card and tell you about their psychological problems. And then they will use it against you because you are bad people if you don't accept these problems as an excuse.
"They will say that they are addicted to alcohol or drugs because they are depressed or have anxiety disorders," Neo said. “My ex-boyfriend told me about his alleged borderline illness. Borderliners cannot control their emotions. And that's why he's paranoid and doesn't want me to talk to other people. "
There are very dysfunctional narcissists who even pretend to be sick to get what they want. For example, one of Neo's clients bought her ex-husband a house because she thought he had serious cancer.
Narcissists get better and better at manipulating others as they learn more and more tricks. That's why they get away with all the deception.
The only thing you can do: avoid these people. Break up - as soon as you can as soon as you realize that they have no empathy.
Do not seek revenge, live your life, learn from experience and grow. It drives narcissists crazy when they see that their victims are happier and stronger without them.
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