What is an honest lie

Radical honesty

The counter-recipe: In order to defy the communicative barriers of the digital age and the culture of superficiality, you simply break through them, regardless of loss or shame. However, it is not primarily about insulting those around you and the associated shock effect. “Oh, but you've gained weight. That doesn't look good! ”Definitely falls into the category of unnecessary togetherness. But: If we perceive more consciously and name more directly what moves us internally, we could also track down our feelings and communicate them to the other. This makes feelings visible - and thus also changeable. A central prerequisite for better resolving conflicts.

A new approach to emotions

In times ofTrump and Co. are so attacked truth and honesty that only a strong counter-offensive can make a difference. This is exactly where the magic lies. Because fundamentally, radical honesty is an admission of the psychological and biological determinism to which we are all subject. I react angry, sad, grumpy, annoyed to a stimulus. Instead of honestly admitting and communicating this process, we hide behind derogatory phrases. And refuse to communicate.

Raves the partner “Radical honesty is so radical that it constantly refutes itself. When you realize that you are an arrogant asshole, you suddenly discover your amiable side. And vice versa. ”When sharing breakfast with the idea of ​​adopting a dog, it can be left with a passive-aggressive“ One day maybe we can get a dog ”- and continue reading the newspaper. Then you can convince yourself that you are in a bad mood because you haven't slept enough and postpone the topic until a better day. According to the principle of radical honesty, one could also say exactly what one feels: "Your talk about dogs makes me really aggressive today, and poodles disgust me." The result would be clarification, immediately and directly.

But doesn't any kind of relationship perish with such a reaction - and every conversation ends in an insulting contest? According to Blanton, only if the relationship is over anyway. And then any delay would be a waste of time anyway. Above all, radical honesty also means letting out positive feelings directly. The truth censorship of our time has declared both ends of the emotional spectrum to be too emotional. By admitting a deterministic reaction to what is said and felt, communication channels are opened that now seem almost impossible to us.

And yet, what if, in a world of emotional admission, everyone ceaselessly spreads their most hideous expressions of hatred? “That's how I feel!” This game can only work in an over-correct world, in the world of political correctness. The contrast can only become so strong if many of the positive and honest messages do not even reach our perception - and only the negative ones are heard. Imagine a mass movement of “radically nice trolls” bombarding the Internet's angry warriors with endless bot-generated messages such as “You are wonderful the way you are!” ...

Counter-draft to populism

Therapies based on Blanton's theory of radical honesty are currently emerging in many countries. From individual coaching to group workshops, there is something for everyone. In the most extreme courses, you undress in front of a group of strangers and allow your own physical deficiencies to be criticized in a radically honest way. “Don't you think I look shit?” - “Yes.” This hardening training has a slightly sectoid character and is reminiscent of the scream-encounter group therapies from the 1970s. However, participants report astonishing revolutions: Suddenly the ugly find themselves beautiful because they learn not to be dependent on the evaluations of others.