Is a life overrated

Being happy is overrated

The bookshelves in the advisory area are full of happiness. Everyone is looking for happiness. When you ask people what they want, they usually say, “I just want to be happy. I want to live a happy life. I want to have a happy marriage. ”Or on some days you hear:“ You don't look happy. ”But we were lucky. Luck, luck, luck. Entire industries are designed to make us happy. All distraction from pain so that I don't have to deal with the question of what do I want from life. Or what do I no longer want in my life. What's the point for me? Is there any point at all? Sometimes we also have the feeling that we have to appear happy so that we don't become a burden to others. Or couples expect other people to “make me happy.” “He makes me so happy” - bullshit.

Sooner or later it is inevitable that it will not work.

1. In one of the last podcast episodes on the subject of "Sacrifice and Responsibility" you have probably already heard that you create your own emotions - that means that someone else cannot make you happy, only you yourself. And if you want to that someone else makes you happy, then listen to the episode with Denys Scharnweber on the subject of love and unconditionality.

2. What if your life wasn't happy? What about all those situations in the now when you are not well? Then at the end you knock on the gates of heaven or wherever and then God or the universe says, “Oh, oh, your life was a total failure because on your lucky score card are only 50 moments of happiness and not 10,000. Unfortunately you did not get the lucky score - sorry, there is no photo for you today and off to damnation.

“It won't be like that. Those who chase after happiness are missing wonderful moments in life. Missed Now, I'd rather replace happiness with abundance. I'd rather have a full life than a happy one. And by the way, it's perfectly fine for me if you see it differently. It's not about being right, but about being able to share my thoughts with you, so that you experience yourself and question yourself. This is how we both create a relationship and get to know each other. And that alone enriches my life immensely. When feelings of happiness come along - that's a nice add-on that I like to take. What I mean by that is that I give myself more freedom and others, if not being happy, is my highest standard of values.

Something has happened to each of us that wasn't nice. Humiliation, pain, loss - we are all equal in this. If happiness were my top priority, I would find it incredibly difficult to accept life as such and to accept myself completely. Being happy is only a short state - like a high - and of course, I find it more pleasant to feel happy than unhappy. The ability to deal with unpleasant feelings is the ability that makes my life the way I want it to be. Because as uncomfortable as we find them, the emotions we consider negative - such as fear, sadness, anger, disgust - are part of us.

And now comes the vicious circle when happiness is given such a heavy weight in our lives. We avoid situations that make us unhappy, such as confrontations, honest feedback, separation decisions - from the job or partner - just so as not to have to feel the uncomfortable. With that we deny ourselves. And then after a few years we wake up and wonder how we got here. We didn't want to be here. And it is made so easy for us to escape from these unpleasant emotions and not have to deal with them. Distractions are everywhere: Netflix, Instagram, Tinder, weekends and alcohol, parties, sports, travel. Computer games. Anything for a quick high.

By the way, I'm not saying that you should never travel again or that you should never go to parties. With this I'm just saying, be aware of why you are doing certain things. Is it just a distraction from what's going on inside you so that you don't have to bother with it, or is it just something beautiful that delights you for the sake of joy? Because traveling and Netflix and Instagram can also be simply beautiful and easy. Just take care of yourself when and why you are doing this. The more alert you are to yourself and your behavior, the less it is possible for others to influence you and manipulate you. And that starts with such small decisions as, do I watch this series or not? And what's great, by the way, when you realize, hey, I'm watching this series to distract myself - that's great too. Because then that is just as conscious. And the luck trap no longer has you under control, just with that you give yourself space - to be the way you are.

From this point of view you gain strength to change things. There are many resolutions, especially for the New Year. Maybe you have a few again. And how does it go after a few weeks - some might be good and some not so well. And now it comes. Don't fuck yourself off about it, just accept it. You are not a fail if your resolution did not work out. You are a human being. People make mistakes. And today you can make a new decision again. So don't waste time getting angry with yourself because that is a thing of the past, and if you do, the chance of being happy in between is huge.