Why do middle school students date

Always alone: ​​when children cannot find friends

If no one calls and asks to meet, many parents worry. But they'd better hold back. What is normal and what is not? There can be many reasons why children do not meet up: "Some children are enough for themselves," explains Jan-Uwe Rogge, an education expert from Bargteheide near Hamburg.

"As long as the child makes a satisfied impression and does not express the desire for playmates, parents should not worry." Because in the fear that their child could become a loner, many parents make appointments on their own: "If mom and dad keep bringing in potential friends, the child can feel overwhelmed," warns Rogge.

"It is important to correctly assess the needs of the child," advises Andreas Engel, a qualified psychologist at the Federal Conference for Educational Counseling in Fürth. Girls and boys who have already let off steam in kindergarten may just want to have some peace and quiet in the afternoon or spend time with their parents and siblings.

According to Engel, the question: "Can the child develop friendly relationships with their peers at all?" If children in kindergarten or school are not involved in the community and are considered outsiders, parents should take a close look: "Think about what makes your child different from others," advises Engel.

Some children are shy and silent observers, others are big bullies who always want to play the determiner: "Both can make contact with people of the same age difficult," explains Rogge. His recommendation: "Talk to your child!" In order to bring about change, it is important that the child himself recognizes the reasons for being alone. "Why do you think no one calls?" Is an important question.

Karin Hauffe advises parents to act as role models. "Children are always a mirror of their parents," explains the specialist in child and adolescent psychiatry from Bremen. Especially after traumatic situations such as a breakup, children suffer from a scratched self-esteem: "And of course they radiate that too." The only thing that helps here is a lot of consideration and time, adds Rogge: "Don't put your child under pressure."

So that children not only survive with their peers, but are also liked by them, they must have certain social skills: "Here parents can do a lot to ensure that their children are fit for friends," says Hauffe. Be considerate of one another, be able to share, resolve conflicts fairly, listen to one another and keep secrets: "These social skills are the tools of the trade for friendships." But if mom and dad read every wish from the eyes of the offspring and willingly lose in the "Mensch-ärgere-dich-nicht" game, just so that there is no gossip, they shouldn't be surprised if the offspring has star attitudes towards their peers shows: "It is more and more difficult for small egoists."