Is it selfish to love yourself first?

Loving yourself is important in order to be able to love your partner

In our society, self-love is frowned upon as it is often confused with selfishness, vanity and narcissism. Self-love, however, is not about seeing yourself as the greatest, best, and most valuable and looking down on others.

First and foremost, loving yourself means showing yourself the same appreciation as a good friend.

Self-love is very important for a harmonious and lasting partnership. If we think little of ourselves and reject ourselves, then

  • are we dissatisfied with ourselves and our lives,
  • often feel attacked and hurt,
  • may be quarrelsome
  • are prone to depression and / or anger,
  • have an excessive need for recognition (especially from our partner),
  • tend to be jealous,
  • often feel guilty,
  • reproach the partner for being selfish, etc.

Our emotional imbalance is not a good basis for a harmonious and lasting relationship.

In addition, we can only give what we have. If we do not feel love in ourselves because we reject each other, then we cannot give love to the partner either. We expect our partner to give us the love that we cannot give ourselves.

If we reject ourselves and don't like ourselves, then we experience a lot of what the partner does as attack, criticism and rejection. We then accuse the partner of not loving us (enough) because if he loved us, he would behave differently. That must lead to conflicts and arguments.

Few know that the ability to love others is only made possible through love for oneself.
Wayne Dyer

In a successful partnership, both partners treat themselves like a good friend who is supported and who is forgiven for mistakes. Their self-love enables them to love and support their partner as well.

Love is first and foremost love for yourself.
Deepak Chopra

If we expect our partner to make us happy, then the relationship is doomed.

If you give your partner responsibility for your own happiness, then you are emotionally dependent on him. And this inevitably leads to blame and accusations if this does not make us happy - which he cannot at all.

We cannot make another person happy. Everyone can only make themselves happy by living in harmony with themselves and their needs and treating themselves lovingly.