How can I overcome my shyness
Overcome shyness and get started in the job
Mobil-e: Ms. Hake, why are some people shy and others not?
Susanne Hake: Shyness is defined as fearfulness when establishing human relationships and is considered to be innate. Shy people strive for social contact, but are blocked by fears. The root of this lies in the nervous system: In shy people, the fear center in the brain, the amygdala, can be over-excited. Traumatic experiences in childhood and later in life can then further exacerbate shyness.
Mobil-e: Can shyness also be pathological?
Susanne Hake: As long as it does not cause suffering in the person concerned, shyness is not an illness, but rather a sympathetic trait. There are parallels to high sensitivity, from 15 to
20% of the population are affected. These people have heightened awareness and are sometimes inundated by it. 70% of all highly sensitive people are introverted. This means that they have to withdraw to recharge their batteries. Extroverts, on the other hand, get their energy from exchanging ideas with other people. However, even an extroverted daredevil can have shy moments, for example when he wants to ask a favor from someone or falls in love with someone who seems unavailable to him and wants to ask for their phone number. But: As soon as someone suffers from their own shyness, it is no longer referred to as such, but as an anxiety disorder. This also includes social phobia.
Mobil-e: Are shy people best at a job that meets their need to withdraw?
Susanne Hake: Not necessarily, in the sense of behavior therapy, shy people are even advised to choose jobs with as many social contacts as possible. This way they can practice overcoming their fears. Those affected will initially feel uncomfortable in such professions - if only because they had to leave their comfort zone in order to get into their learning zone. No matter in which industry and at which management level: The gain is in overcoming fears and establishing relationships - and this helps against a greater danger, namely loneliness. One study compares the harmful effects of these to health with that of 15 cigarettes a day. ¹ By the way: Many actors and actresses are or were rather shy - Julia Roberts, Robert de Niro and John Wayne, for example. The French film actress Léa Seydoux once said: “At the bottom of my heart, I am a fearful person. I try to overcome my fears through my work. That helps me shape my roles. So something new and creative emerges out of my fear. ”This applies to every profession: once a management position has been reached, the self-confidence of the shy person can definitely benefit from the higher status.
Mobil-e: And how do shy people succeed in career advancement?
Susanne Hake: Quiet people who want to advance professionally can do this through skills and strengths on the one hand and happiness and relationships on the other. After all, where do those interested in a career find out about particularly good positions? Often from former colleagues, friends and acquaintances. The larger this circle and the more trusting these relationships, the greater the statistical probability of learning about opportunities and of being offered them, perhaps even before they are made public. To build and maintain relationships - and also to not only get good positions, but also to hold and develop them - we need social skills. Half of this consists of the ability to have relationships and the other half of the ability to assert yourself. Both is important. And both can be practiced. It's not necessarily about becoming particularly popular. But it makes sense to intensify and expand existing positive relationships and also get to know new people.
Mobil-e: Can you give us some tips on how shy people can practice “self-marketing”?
Susanne Hake: Anyone who wants to constantly challenge and overcome their anxiety in order to advance professionally has already recognized the most important thing: An obstacle - in this case shyness - shows us where to go. With my coaching clients, I use the STORYdynamics method I developed to solve self-marketing blockages and to practice a convincing appearance on the job. It consists of five phases:
SITUATION - List your strengths, competencies and achievements. Also ask friends and former colleagues how they see your professional uniqueness. How can you offer this to which organization or which customer?
TRANSFORMATION - Visualize your vision: How do you envision your future? What is important to you? What motivates you Do you have a mission, do you see a life's work? Is your job just a means to an end? If so: to which one?
ORGANIZATION - Since you know your offer and your target group better, it is now important to take action to achieve the goals that result from 1. and 2.. As you already know, the obstacles show the way. This is about wisely assessing risks, daring them, and learning.
RECREATION - Relax to optimize: Knowing your own autonomic nervous system is crucial, especially for shy people. The sympathetic nervous system that encourages fight and flight is often overactive. Its opponent, the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for recovery and self-healing, needs to be strengthened. Exercise, yoga, or meditation can help bring the nervous system back into balance. In this way you develop physical and mental resilience and thus always new ideas to optimize your plans.
YIPPIE - Celebrate happy endings and new starts: Now choose carefully between newly tried and tested activities that you want to make a habit and old habits that you would rather leave. Review your goals and strategies regularly. Do what confidently helps you - with joy.
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